This last week I had the privilege to be able to give communion in front of our community and was asked by Steve to share what I wrote in our blog. I pray that it finds the right people at the right time. I’ve adapted the beginning to suit an online format – so I hope it all fits together well. Thank you for this opportunity and for allowing us to be a part of this wonderful fellowship.

Lend me five minutes of your time, if you may. Just five minutes. Settle your mind – and when its quiet I want you to picture the body of believers you consider to call your family in Christ. Think of all their faces, their personalities, their stories… all of them. And take a deep breathe.

Every single one of those faces you witnessed has gone through some immense challenges these last two years. For many 2020 and 2021 have not been kind… but somehow we are all still here together.

Every single person you remembered has gone through times of questioning, times of doubt, times of pain… but also times of joy and times of celebration. And despite all that, somehow we are all still here today. Choosing to sit next to each other on Sundays and engaging in other forms of community throughout the week.

It truly is remarkable.

I choose to believe this is because we see something greater than ourselves happening here in this group of people, and today I’d love for us to really get into touch with what that means.

For me, 2020 and 2021 were some of the most trying times in my adult life. On top of struggling with pandemic related frustrations, my spiritual life has taken some dramatic changes.

At the end of 2019 my husband and I relocated to Portland, and my spiritual life looked very different than it does today. Before moving to Portland, I used to believe that my place as a woman in the church was never on stage – but rather in the audience, providing support where I could. I used to believe that social justice wasn’t a passion of Christ’s and fighting for equality was inherently wrong. I also used to believe that my walk with God was only considered righteous if I read and prayed daily with regularly scheduled (and never missed!) discipling times.

Before 2 years ago my spiritual walk was focused on outward presentation and ‘doing the right things’… it had very little to do with true connection to our hope, but rather a desire to be outwardly considered righteous.

With that, you can imagine how my transition into Portland went.

Being surrounded by so many new faces, stories, ideas, and spiritual resources has led to some incredible changes that I don’t think I could have ever anticipated. So many preconceived thoughts questioned. So many new ideas studied. So many changes made.

And as complex as that experience was, there is somehow a word for that experience.

Deconstruction. It is a big, heavy word full of grief, frustration, and a desire for answers that feels never-ending.

From my conversations with friends in this fellowship, it appears many of us have had our own journeys of deconstruction these last couple of years. With events like a renewed Civil Rights movement within our country, a women’s rights movement within our fellowship, and a change in our church’s regional status, it’s hard to imagine deconstruction not happening.

And I’m sure if you’re anything like me, many of you are just tired.

The hard work of digging up and processing painful memories, coupled with the continual desire to search for cracks in our spiritual foundational beliefs is exhausting. On top of this, I’m sure some of us have lost a significant portion of our support system over these last two years – whether due to COVID, differences in beliefs, or physical distance.

And that is so hard. It is hard to live in the wake of deconstruction. And for many of us, it’s even more difficult to figure out what’s next.

That’s why today, I want us to take a moment and breathe. I want us to remember the goodness that brought us together in the very beginning. We’re ALL here because of a hope that we just can’t let go of. And you can see the power of that hope in every single face you imagined earlier.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

-- 1 Peter 1:3-7

Meditate on that for a moment.

Peter, of all disciples, shared that. Peter! The same individual who denied Jesus three times, and then after witnessing the crucifixion decided to turn around and go back home to fish – because to him, that was all that was left to do.

Peter knew what hopelessness felt like.

He knew the hopelessness of not knowing who he is or what he believes in… The hopelessness of not knowing how to act… The hopelessness of not knowing what is next.

He, like some of us, was struggling to find purpose in wake of hard times.

But Jesus - despite having died and been buried - sought out Peter. Still. And when he found him out fishing, his first reaction was love… just love. A love so abounding, that even though Peter didn’t recognize his Lord, he blessed him with yet another miracle – enough fish to break their nets.

And despite all of Peter’s doubts, confusion, and worry, we see Jesus call Peter back from his hopelessness with one simple command … “Follow Me” (John 21:29b).

What we are going through is not easy… but despite all this, Jesus still sees us and won’t let us go.

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

-- John 4:13-14

For me, the hopelessness of these last two years felt so real and in a lot of ways I saw myself becoming like Peter - returning to what was normal. Changing what I believed took some serious work! Topics like women's roles and LGBTQ+ issues in relation to Christ's kingdom are no easy topics! And the thought of studying out something new even terrifies me.

But I can't just let the pieces of my faith lie on the ground, waiting to be swept up - and neither can you.

There must be reconstruction of our faith after deconstruction.

Jesus ‘s response to Peter when he didn’t know what was next was to follow him. Just follow him. No matter who was coming with, what was happening around them, or what we’d encounter along the way.

"Follow Me" was his only instruction, and so it’s our only instruction too.

As we think of those in our community, let's remember that we are all here because of a hope that we believed in at one point in time; and even if our hope feels faint, we can find strength in each other, and encouragement through Jesus to keep pursuing the goodness he has in store for us and the City of Portland.

There’s so much in store for us – and this is only the beginning.

Thank you for listening and God Bless.